Article written by Oh My Love . Oh My Love is the first application to take care of your relationship on a daily basis. The application offers fun, interactive and expert content (questions, quizzes, challenges, advice, thematic courses, etc.) to grow your relationship and strengthen communication and complicity within your couple. A simple and practical tool, which fits in your pocket, and which you can keep within reach all day long: on the subway, during your coffee break, between two appointments, etc.
The key to a lasting relationship
When we fall in love and start a new life together, we often talk about our big plans, our dreams and our ideal vision of the future, but we forget to talk about the "small projects" of everyday life, those efforts necessary to maintain the relationship for which we have such great aspirations.
If we dream of being happy for decades with our partner, then we are ambitious, and so much the better! We are right to aspire to a lasting love, to believe that we are capable of it and that it will make us happy: 83% of French people believe that the success of their family and marital life is essential to their happiness!
However, to build a solid relationship and achieve our ambitions, there is one habit to adopt as early as possible within a couple: communicating on a daily basis.
Today? 65 to 80% of breakups are linked to a lack of communication. Often, couples have not managed to put their finger on what was driving them apart in time, and end up throwing in the towel. The bond is too damaged.
But there is no inevitability! You can take care of this bond that unites you, in particular by paying attention to your communication:
- Maintain open communication : Take time to regularly discuss your feelings, needs, and concerns with your spouse to strengthen your mutual understanding. Express yourself sincerely, and listen to each other attentively.
- Plan evenings for one-on-one (and more generally quality time together) even if your schedule is busy. Once a week for example! Don't hesitate to create a special atmosphere: aperitif, wine, candles, restaurant... These shared moments are essential to reconnect and keep the flame alive.
- Don't just talk about your daily worries (household chores, work, etc.). Talk about the future, dare to dream big! Discuss your aspirations and goals as a couple. The prospect of a common future or a shared goal can only strengthen the cohesion of your couple.
Adapt your language!
Sometimes we feel like we are making efforts to communicate our love to the other, but they don't see it. It's a bit like if one spoke French and the other Chinese... This is what Gary Chapman explains through the "languages of love", which differ from one person to another. These languages are classified into 5 categories: words of appreciation, quality time, gifts, services rendered and physical touch.
- Words of encouragement : These are compliments, kind words or encouragement that you can offer to your partner: "You look great in that outfit", "I'm so proud that you managed to do that", or simply "I love you".
- Quality time : this is all the time spent together that creates shared memories: a romantic stroll, booking a night in a hotel, a good restaurant, breakfast in bed, etc.
- Gifts : a bouquet of flowers, a cake from the bakery, a book... something that lets the other person know that you thought of him/her! It can also be a completely free act for the other person, such as “managing dinner from A to Z while you relax in peace!” Remember that it’s the attention that counts.
- Services rendered : clearing the dishwasher, vacuuming, taking out the trash, doing the dishes, running a washing machine, shopping, looking after the children, etc. Yes, we don't always think about it, but for some it's a real way to express their love! If this is the case in your relationship, pay particular attention to these little everyday services!
- Physical contact : holding hands, kissing, hugging, making love… in short, all gestures of tenderness!
Understanding your own love language allows you to explain to others how to love you . Similarly, by identifying your partner's love language and choosing to speak to them in that language, you can fill their emotional tank much more effectively than if you were to use your own language.
At first, it may require an effort to get out of yourself, but in the long term, it is a real opportunity to strengthen the relationship, or even rediscover each other!
Making the choice to try to speak the other's language is making the choice to love yourself!
Communicating is first of all listening to you
To know how to communicate, you have to learn to listen. This may seem basic, even naive, but we often tend to forget this fundamental dimension of communication**. The power of listening is immense.** Unfortunately, our modern lifestyles and the hectic pace in which we are immersed are increasingly distancing us from this essential skill. If we take less time to talk to each other today, it is even worse when it comes to listening to each other! And even when we do, our minds are often elsewhere (the shopping list, the work file, etc.).
Yet among our fundamental needs, we all need to be listened to and recognized for what we are, with our vulnerability. Listening is knowing how to be silent. It is placing the spotlight on the other. It is joining them in what they are experiencing.
Listening without intervening does not mean that we always agree with what the other person tells us, it does not mean that we validate what they think, but it does show them that we recognize it.
When the other feels heard and recognized, he himself is more peaceful and therefore available to listen to us, hear us and recognize us. This is how in a couple we can create a climate of collaboration. If we do not agree but we feel mutually listened to and recognized, we will be able to weather the storms together.
Listening costs nothing, but it is one of the greatest gifts we can give to others. So, do we know how to listen to the person we love?